It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
