i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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