So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
