what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
