This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
