He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
