I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
