Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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