as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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