ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We talked him into tasing himself.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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