You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
