i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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