People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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