My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
