Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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