I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
