he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
