i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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