Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
