There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk is not a location!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
