Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
