i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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