I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
