Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
