Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
