So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
