At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
