also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
where am i from again
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
