If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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