Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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