My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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