if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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