a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we're so committed to being not committed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
