Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
