Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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