I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
