so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
