last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
