you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
