Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
