i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my liver is dry heaving
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
