Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
