Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
