Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
