Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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