every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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