i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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