i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
