Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
