Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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