good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
