who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
