I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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