I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
